Bubbles

I love blowing bubbles. As kids, we used to make our own bubble blowing mix, or maybe I should say my mom would make it! Bubbles are so pretty and when the sun hits them right you can see rainbows on them. They're also fun to chase and try to catch again on your bubble wand. Bubbles are peaceful and soothing to watch.

Well, my head feels like it's full of bubbles right now. So many thoughts floating around in my head , and when I try to catch them they float away, or I get distracted by a new one. So I apologize in advance for the randomness of this blog, but this is my current view of the world.

Yesterday we met a family whose son had a heart transplant at the same hospital that will be doing Maddie's surgery. And while it was information overload, it was also helpful to meet a family that has been through a similar situation. We were able to see some pictures and ask questions and because of it, I'm feeling much more confident going into this.

Our biggest thing right now is to keep Madelyn healthy. It's a tough balance between trusting God with her health and taking practical steps to help her avoid getting sick. We stayed home from church this morning to avoid being around lots of people, but how paranoid do we need to be? I almost feel like if we're putting her heart and health in God's hands, then we would have been able to go to church, but...

Some moments I think about the surgery and all the risks and I cry. Notice I said some moments, not some days; the next moment I'm crying because I'm so thankful we have a medical system that can do this surgery and take care of our little girl. Then I think about her hooked up to all those machines and being sedated. Usually in those moments I go pick her up and hold her for a long time.

She's so happy right now. She spends more time awake just smiling at the world. And she's so strong. It's hard thinking about after the surgery and how careful we'll have to be with her so we don't rip stitches or hurt her.

But for now we are so thankful for the moments we have with her. My favorite time of day is when I go pick her up in the morning and she recognizes me and smiles. I'm also thankful that she will be so young when the surgery is done and she won't remember any of the trauma.

As I mentioned at the beginning, random bubbles. Sometimes they pop, sometimes I catch them and sometimes they float away and I'm left wondering why I'm crying again.

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