Kicks and Smiles

I honestly can't believe it's only Thursday. This feels like a never ending week! And her surgery already feels like it was ages ago, when in reality it's only been about 50 hours since it was finished.

Last night was rough on me. I know she's made a ton of progress, but yesterday she was still so drugged and not herself yet. I found myself needing to pray for patience; it had only been a day since she had open heart surgery, obviously it takes time to heal! For some reason I had pictured her to look different after the surgery; maybe smaller and weaker, but she still looked the same. It's hard not to set my expectations too high and remember that her little body still needs to recover from this. I went back to the hotel early, listened to praise and worship music, and just cried. Not for anything in particular, but mostly to get out all the emotions from the week. Everyone so far has told us she's doing great, but I wanted my little Maddie back.

Well this morning when we got to the hospital, her face lit up and she smiled! They had taken out the three chest tubes before we arrived, and she was on very little morphine. Shortly after we got there a nurse also took out the pace maker wire (they insert it just in case). So because those wires and tubes were all out, no more morphine! She's still obviously on pain killers, but nothing that strong.

And we got to hold her for the first time! We could have held her yesterday already but the chest tube causes a lot of discomfort, so we decided to wait. It felt so amazing to hold her again, and she snuggled right in like we've never put her down. It's a bit awkward because she still has some wires stuck to her (to monitor her heartbeat), but we're getting used to it.

She's now in the cardiac ward and we're able to do more for her and feel like parents again. If we're gone, we know the nurses will take care of everything, but when we're there, we get to feed her, change her diapers, and hold her as much as we want. I honestly didn't think I would be so excited to change a diaper again! And she's so happy. I had pictured her being restrained because she moves so much and could easily tear out wires etc, but she hasn't been held back! She moves around easily as much as ever, and seems to have no idea that she's just had major surgery. I'm so thankful she won't remember any of this! We've taken lots of pictures and plan to make an album to explain why she has a scar on her chest.

A lot of people have said that it's too bad she'll have a scar, but honestly, I'm hoping that scar will be a constant reminder of the work God has done here, and how amazing he is. A scar is just that, a scar, not a wound or something damaging. It's a symbol of what has happened, and it will remind me to put Madelyn's life in God's hands because he is always going to hold on to her.

God has been so good to us through this whole week. I'm still amazed we've been able to sleep so well. This week has had quite a few highs and lows, but prayer is such a powerful tool for handling everything.

We're hearing that we'll probably be able to go home this weekend, but we don't have a date yet. Once Madelyn is discharged we still need to wait for the Variety Heart Center in Winnipeg to arrange our flight home, so it might only be Sunday or Monday.

Thanks again so much for all your prayers!